so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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