i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
