I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
