I just saw a hot homeless man
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
