I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
