Kareoke will never be a sober sport
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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