I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
