Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
