I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
