like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He better not be in your backpack
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
