I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
