yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
