I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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