You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
