Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
