i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
