Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So squirting runs in the family.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
