just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
