I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
