talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
