I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
