tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
