He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
