Christians are straight up FREAKS
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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