OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
