i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
