Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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