So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
