I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
