Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
