I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
