I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
