Your tits are I can't wait for
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
