We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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