I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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