My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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