My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
