No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
