I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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