Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
