the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
