just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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