So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
