the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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