So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
