I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
