I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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