If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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