i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
