When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
